Have you ever been falsely accused of anything? Have you ever laid judgment on someone else only to find out that you were wrong? I think “yes” is the answer to both questions.

Do we feel better about ourselves if we lay blame? Point out others’ shortcomings? Accuse someone of an act that you thought you saw or heard?  What brings us or others to do this?  I don’t know.

What I do know is that I was falsely accused, as was the party who was with me, and neither of us did this to be deceitful; I was baffled. Why did she do this? Why, number one did she feel it important to write to someone else about the behavior and act, and yet, not talk to me personally? Maybe it was her lack of self-confidence, or a threatening feeling toward me, or a reason to project uneasy feelings about an outcome of her actions that brought her to blatantly lie about my actions, and to blow them way out of proportion.

1. When you see or hear – not through gossip, but personally – an act that you know to be out-of-order, seek the person – or people – out and ask for a private moment to discuss what you thought you saw or heard.  Allow him/her/them to give their side of the story.

2. Do not accuse one person of the act and then bring in a totally innocent person who was with him/her/them into the accusation; you’ll find you get yourself in deeper trouble.

3. Think before you write to someone else. “What are the consequences of my writings and accusations if I am wrong?” “What do I want as a result of this e-mail?” “Why am I writing?” “Is this a projection to make myself feel better about a difficult situation that is tied to the accusation?”  So many questions to ask before you point the finger.

4. We’re human. We’re vulnerable. We make mistakes. What is the intention, not only of your accusations, but also of the person you accuse of the action?

The accusation on me and a program manager was ludicrous.Was I wrong in my action? Yes.  Was it done out of spite? No. Was it intentionally done to cause another person harm?  Not on your life. The act?  I gave a business card to someone and was supposed to go through a different channel if I were asking for future business. The person I gave my card to was in charge of the hiring for future conferences and I didn’t think anything of it. He asked me for a card to keep in touch,  not, to undercut or undermine anyone. The innocence of the action and the outcome of the accuser’s anger, boggles my mind.

I thought my accuser would at least contact me at the four-day conference, but no. Maybe after we got home and she’d cooled off, but no. (It’s been 10 days since we got home.) She will live with the her thoughts of deceit, though they are entirely wrong. I am sorry that I caused her anger, and I’m sorry that I was wrong – not intentionally mind you – to give out my business card.

We’re human.We’re vulnerable.We’re good – for the most part. Wait to accuse. I learned a lesson, and I hope she did too.

Stand in judgment of your actions, not others.



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