Why did I put off calling the doctor? Why did I put off going on-line to pay my bill? What was I hoping for when I put off getting in touch with my family member or friend? I wish I knew the answer. The only thing I can confess to is that I just didn’t take the time at the right time. I even put off writing daily, which I made the commitment to do three months ago. I’m not too far behind, but I’m behind.
It’s as though I have a magic wand and I can wave it around and everything in my life with automatically and yes, magically, be perfect. Shit! (Sorry.) I need to grow up. I have caused myself more heartache, more overdraft payments, more rushed phone calls and more consternation than most – or at least of the people I know. You’d think after 60 years I’d be… what? I don’t know, but something more than I am today. No, I’m not really down, I’m just pissed off – yet again – at my lack of responsibility, lack of discretion, lack of getting my act together, and lack of financial stability. So there!
What about you? I don’t know who you are, but I bet you too have some area(s) in your life where you wished that you too had my magic wand and that it would actually work! I do indeed have multiple and wonderful magic wands that I give to some of my audiences. I just keep looking and hoping for their magic to firework their way into multiple areas of my personal and professional life. I’d gladly send you one of my wands; maybe you can make it work.
I will tell you: Don’t put off calling, paying, acting, acknowledging or admitting anything. Be open; communicate with yourself, your intimate circle of influence and your external circle of influence. Time is precious. We can’t get it back and we can only hope we use it wisely. I usually use it wisely, and then the 800-numbers show up on my caller ID, my bank account starts screaming to be saved, some vital payments are late, I forget to call a friend, or mail a card. Why? I’ll never know, I just do.
If you have trouble with a family member, friend or loved one, don’t put off telling them what’s troubling you. Silence is a cancer in relationships – any and all relationships. My friend K didn’t know why her boyfriend just went into a vocal coma; he wouldn’t tell her what was wrong, wouldn’t even say goodbye when she left after a three-week tour together. What was going on in his mind and heart? No one to this day – two years later – knows. We’re all friends again, but why did he put off calling us back? Telling K why he was pissed off? What was going on with him the last two years? Even over Thanksgiving he denied being a jerk and he had three witnesses in the room! Open up. Communicate, now.
Why do we bottle up our emotions? Is it we feel scared? Is it we don’t want to bother our friends or family? Is that we don’t feel worthy of sharing? Again, the answers come independently – you are different from me and I’m different from A,B, D. I know that if students would talk to teachers and parents there’d be less teenage angst. If friends would discuss problems and situations with each other, there’d be more understanding. When we put off being authentic, we only hurt ourselves; okay, maybe a few others too. Both professional and personal relationships need open communication.
Start today, December 1st, with new resolutions to help yourself express yourself, pay your bills on time, call a doctor – be proactive, and be the adult that you are. I can’t say I’ll be able to take on all the responsibilities in my life right now, I’m waiting and hoping for work. When I get the work, I’ll then become a more mature 60-year-old and help myself, which in turn helps others.
It’s a great day! I can’t put off making that phone call any longer; I have to sign off. (I did write today, and I will tomorrow and the next day and the next…!)