Stress

Even without a prescription, we have bottles of stress in every corner of our house and office.  Doesn’t that just make you want to dance?

Happy Tuesday. 

Does stress just glob onto our heads – without an invitation – and stay there for fun?  How do we manifest this creature?   I know that more than anything I want to add as much stress to my life as possible.  I want to put myself in its path and block it from going any farther, or to someone else.  Let’s give stress the “Goldium” – combination of Gold Premium – membership into our personal club, shall we? 

As much as I fly, I think I want to take a course from TSA on  “How to Irritate Passengers.”  To add to passengers’ “Orange warning,” which by the way as been orange for years!, TSA and security lines add stress to the joy of travel. 

Last week I flew Southwest from Denver/LA return.  When I arrived at LAX to come home the security line wrapped around the building – we stood outside!  I hadn’t experienced that luxury until then.  A young man behind me bemoaned the fact that he only had :30 to catch his flight.  Why would you arrive at a major airport with only :30 to spare?  Who knows.  As we wormed our way up to the security line, a TSA agent broke into the line and started to move a few of us up the stairs; I was the third person in that line.  My young “companion” was still right behind me, and still talking more to himself than anyone else, about the lines and the stress of little time to get through security, down the concourse, to the gate and onto his plane. (I don’t know if he made it.)

When our “shorter line” made it to the screening, the agent behind the magic sees-everything computer asked for assistance to see my purse again.  I have no problem with this, until…!  She, Miz TSA, took out every little item in my purse, except for a small package of tissues.  Everything from my glasses, to emery board, from pens to cell phone, and from plastic cards – hotel and movie cards – to fewer than three-ounce sanitizer.  She picked out each item, one-by-one, and put them into one of those lovely bins and then took it through the screening process again.  Everything went through.  Now I got to put everything back in my purse.  Why?  Why did she seemingly gleefully take everything out of my purse?  YIKES.  I allowed her to put more stress on my afternoon. 

I had four glorious hours in LAX so the TSA agent paved my express lane to the bar for a glass of wine.  “Settle down, Dee.  Breathe.”  Ick.  I hate the intrusion; safety or no.

What stress mounts up like December snow in your life?  Whom do you “allow” to add stress to your day?  It’s not as if we go to Walgreens and ask “Where can I find the stress aisle?”  It’s not as though we wake up every morning and hope for stress to hop on board from breakfast until bedtime.  But, hey, it’s  prevalent all over.

We stress about money, work, cars, family, health, how we look, how we don’t look, what to cook for dinner, what to call the baby, how to decorate the cake, which napkins to use, whom to ask over, what movie to rent.  What don’t we stress about? It seems that the more access we have to information, the less time we have; therefore, the more stress we create. Let’s add to our stress levels, just for fun.

I’m starting a campaign before the political year starts:  Stave the Stress.  I won’t fundraise, I won’t have to stand in front of the supermarket to collect signatures, I won’t have to get a committee together and have them read about it and add its comments – or delete them – I won’t have to invest any money. I’m going to demand to the world that stress is now forbidden.

No more hives over getting a project done on time.  No more fretting over traffic jams.  No more stomach aches from credit card company phone calls.  No more high blood pressure from too much of this and not enough of that.  No more screaming at the radio because it’s too loud, or the TV commercials because they’re so benign.  No more throwing tantrums over the script-reading non-customer service rep who doesn’t know me, care about me, like me nor know anything about the situation with my computer, camera, software, reservations, etc.  Nope, I’m now going to just relax.

I’ll put money on the fact that some  people will unwittingly take my stress patterns and double theirs. They love this ubiquitous entity and wear it like a gold lame gown or a rhinestone-studded tux; let them wear it with pride.  I’m done.  And you?  Are you done? It’s a stressless world from now on.  Is “stressless” a word?  Is now!

Join the campaign.  There are no meetings. No committees.  No chairman/woman.  Nada.  Nothing. Zip. Zilch. Zero.  It’s just you.  Give stress a heave ho.  Throw it onto someone else’s plate without his or her knowledge: no repercussions.  It’s brilliant.There’s nothing to buy, I’m not putting it on sale – “Stress for Three Equal Payments,” or “Free Stress with the purchase of any project,” or “Stress – free for 30 days or your regular life back.”  Nope, stress is on the out-on-permanent-vacation or leave-of-absence calendar.  I know that stress will find another human magnet to attach to, it’s just not going to be me.  What do you think?   Ready to join?  No more Stress “Goldium” membership for me!

Maybe I’ll even make stickers like the “I have Voted, Have You”:  “I’ve Given Up Stress Have You?” or a card, like AARP or debit.  That’s what I can do, make a debit stress card.  I like it.  We start with a zero balance and keep it that way! 

Have a great stress-free day.  I like having you as a Stave the Stress  campaign “member.”

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