In the legal system you have leverage with a pre-nup agreement, or a contract, or a will, or a handshake in some instances.  As a sole proprietor, I have a short contract for my clients that they sign agreeing to my terms.  You sign agreements/contracts for a car or house loan: your signature is your “voice” and it’s meant to tie you and them, or me and them to the terms.  Have any of you ever been late on a credit card payment?  You signed an agreement saying you’d pay monthly or in full, and interest.  If you don’t, then some of you may have the phone and legal goons on your back; they have no mercy. They have your signature as recourse either legally or other.  (Why do the “goons” go after a small claim of $500 the same way to go after a large claim of  $50,000? Baffles my mind. I guess money is money for the credit card companies.)

Now, if you don’t have a contract, but a verbal agreement, and someone owes you money and won’t pay, then you have little, if no leverage or recourse. What do you do?  There’s not a legal arena that cares that he said/she said, they said/I said.  Where do you go?  How can you empower the person to understand and make good their commitment to pay you? It’s indeed a reflection on them personally that they ignore their responsibility.  Do they care?  Do they set a bad example on their children too?  Are they as blatantly rude at home as they are at the office?  Do they lie to their clients?

I feel that what you do professionally rubs off on what you do personally, and vice versa. I admit, I haven’t always been on the up-and-up with credit card payments and I’ve paid the price. But if I owe a vendor money, contract or no, I pay him/her.  As a sole proprietor, a $650 balance due makes a difference in my world.  It may seem small to some, but it’s not completely about the money; it’s about the commitment, responsibility, and truth-in-word promise.

I have no recourse, no leverage on getting the $650 from my old client, but it amazes me that he made the verbal agreement, and wrote it on e-mail, and yet has done nothing for over 45 days. Do I  just “let it go,” let him off the hook?   I still hope that he has some sort of personal decency, if not professional courtesy and obligation to at least return my phone calls, send me an e-mail or send me a note to say, “I’m sorry, I can’t pay you right now.  What can I do to make amends?”  Nothing.  He’s in my professional void and it hurts.

The business community is small.  It’s smaller than it used to be because of LinkedIn, Facebook  and Twitter.  When you “screw” someone, the word gets around and your reputation may fall from grace.  I hope that what I do professionally is a mirror of my value system and the honesty that my parents imbued upon me growing up.  I uphold their love and parenting when I do what I know is right.  They would be proud of me.

My client has daughters and I hope they don’t know that their parent is less than what s/he appears.

Where do I go from here? What leverage or recourse do I have?

Singular v/ Plural and Expletives

Take the quiz below and then see the answers to follow:

Correct the following or leave them as is, if you deem them correct.

1. There’s no springs to worry about.
2. There’s 20 people waiting in line.
3. There’s too many e-mails to read.
4. There’s no place to park at the airport!
5. There’s a lot of police officers at the Occupy sites.
6. There’s several different routes to take.
7. There’s about 8 houses to paint.
8. There’s a policy and procedure manual on your desk.
9. There’s a good and a bad way to punctuate your sentences.
10. There’s multiple stores that have the equipment.

Numbers 4, 8 and  9 are correct.  “There’s” is the contraction for “there is.”  “Is” is the third-person singular of the verb “to be.”  When your subject is plural, write with a plural verb, not the singular verb; therefore, “are” instead of “is.” 

The examples above come not only from books, but also from ads on television, news reporters and everyday conversation; help them and you by using the correct tenses.

Change the singular verb to the plural verb when you have a plural subject.  The verb is in bold, the subject is in italics.

1. There are no springs to worry about.
2. There are 20 people waiting in line.
3. There are too many e-mails to read.
4. There’s no place to park at the airport! (correct.)
5. There are a lot of police officers at the Occupy sites.
6. There are several different routes to take.
7. There are about 8 houses to paint.
8. There’s a policy and procedure manual on your desk.
9. There’s a good and a bad way to punctuate your sentences.

(Better: There’s a good way and there’s a bad way to punctuate….)

1. There are multiple stores that have the equipment.

When you have a combination of plurals with singulars, separate them and use the plural noun first in the series and the plural verb:

1. There are playing fields, a swimming pool, two locker rooms and a gym for the students.

Watch too, for “there is” and “there are” when used as expletives – or unnecessary sentence starters; shorten your sentence and make it stronger.

Example:

1. There’re 15 bags of leaves ready for recycling.
   1. Fifteen bags of leaves are ready for recycling. (This deletes the expletive “there are” and makes the subject – “bags” – stand out.

1. There’s a policy and procedure manualon your desk.
   1. a.       A policy and procedure manual is on your desk.

Start the New Year with a writing class that helps your employees learn – or relearn – the power of correct grammar, punctuation and syntax.  2012 is almost here, and my classes pave the way for exceptional communication and positive responses.  www.DeeDukehart.com * Dee@DeeDukehart.com

November 2011

I’m almost certain that each of us has been in denial at some juncture of our lives or pick it up when necessary and carry it with us like a Kevlar vest, preventing us from getting hurt. How’s your job?  Are you in denial that it’s going to get better and the wretched boss will either leave or take some I-love-everyone drug?  It’s not going to happen; find a new job!  How are your relationships?  Is life at home super?  Does your spouse support you and do you maintain an open communication channel?  Maybe it’s that you can’t leave right now, or maybe it’s leaving but not really.  How are you finances?  Like mine?  Like Donald Trumps?

I’m working with a client and I know she’s in denial about her future.  She thinks that what’s she’s doing will magically get better and it won’t.  She wants to find the joy in her life and it’s on permanent vacation.  She’s in denial.  But, then again, so am I.  I’m in denial that everything in my life will automatically go from so-so to fantastic.  Maybe I’ll play and win the Lottery.  Maybe the perfect client will call or e-mail and hire me for a long-term contract.  Well, it hasn’t happened.  Do I just sit here and wait…?

Why won’t Mike, Theresa, Brad and Kurt (not their real names) return my phone calls?  What am I doing wrong?  Do my voice mails leave a negative impression?  Are you desperate in your sales calls and it comes through in your voice? Do you call and call and call, and still the caller doesn’t have the common courtesy to call back and say, “no thank you.”  Why don’t people call back to say, “no thank you”?  In a world of the immediate “delete” key, do humans now “delete” people from their lives with one stroke of a “key”?  I hope not.  But, communication skills are rapidly declining;  rudeness is the espresso of the day.

I watch my co-exercise members talk too loud and use foul language as if they’re in the privacy of their car.  I see them sweat and leave the machines disgusting without ever a concern for the next person and the grime left behind.  Are they in denial that their personal hygiene doesn’t rub off on machines even after they’ve been on them for up to an hour?  Do they feel it’s not their responsibility to clean up after themselves?  I don’t know.  I just watch and wish it didn’t affect my sensibilities, but it does.

We all have our vulnerabilities and fallibilities.  Denial is what’s for breakfast, lunch and dinner.  I buy a lottery ticket and think I’ll win; that’s denial.  I hope my work situation will change and yet I don’t do what I need to do to make my expertise known to the people who can hire me.  What’s wrong with me?  Am I in denial that everything will work out because I’m a good person?  Denial!  Do you hope that everything in your life will be perfect and yet you don’t do what’s necessary to make your relationship with your child, spouse, manager, friend or self bring your joy?  Is our world going down hill?  What will become of the world for the next generation?

If the government closes down, whom do we turn to make it right if it costs us a day, a week, or a month of work?  Where do our tax dollars go and our rights at the voting booth if the men and women on the Hill can’t come together to shake hands to give and take?  It’s appalling and it’s happened before and it’ll happen again.  Super what?

One of my client’s boss just up and left with only two weeks notice.  They’re right in the middle of a huge project and he’s leaving not only the business, but the city.  Why?  Does he think it’s all about him and not the people nor the project?  I guess so, or he wouldn’t have left.  Are we in denial that we leave someplace or someone and the next place or person is going to be our panacea?  Probably.  But, it won’t be.

How many times have you sent your seven, ten or 20 friends the fwd. e-mail so it’ll bring you luck, money, happiness,  a new body in minutes?  Who are you kidding?  Who’s really in denial? Or is that just “fun”?

We have to work from the inside out, not the other way around. We have to learn to forgive and move on.  We have to learn that not everyone has the same value system as you do.  We have to understand that hate and violence are part of a world that we helped create.  We have to stop giving power to people who hurt us, ignore us, belittle us or make fun of us at work or play.  Go deep.

Do we really need that defense mechanism to get through the day and won’t confront our reality?  I don’t know.  What I do know is that it’s my direction, it’s my lead and it’s my life and my reality.  No one else will change this except for me.  The same goes for you, my friends.

Face reality with boldness and certainty.  You have friends, family and support.  Go for it.

Why is it so hard for some people to either press the “reply” key and say, “yes, I’m coming,” or “no, I can’t”?  I’m amazed that so few people take the time, or have the courtesy to respond to invitations.  Why don’t they respond?  I don’t have the answer.

I helped out a client with her new business and we planned an open house.  I sent 50 e-mails and she sent out another dozen or so for the evening.  Initially I heard from five or six people that they would or wouldn’t be there.  The second time I sent out the invitation, I heard back from 10 others who said they couldn’t come.  (I appreciated knowing, as did the hostess.)  What happened to the others?  Did they not get the invitation?  Did they not have the time to press the “reply” button?

Hostesses need to plan.  Planning not only takes time, but also money, and RSVP’s are money;  not in the literal sense.  Each RSVP means a person; therefore,  a cocktail or a glass of wine or two, a shrimp, a napkin, a plate, a chip, whatever.  If you or I don’t know how many people to plan for, it makes it difficult to make arrangements with either a caterer, a grocery store, COSTCO or SAMS Club.  If you think 20 people will come and plan accordingly, then you have food, drinks and utensils, plates, napkins, room for 20.  If five show up, then you have food for the next month…good and bad!  If 30 show up, you’ll have to tell people they can have only one shrimp and two chips to make certain there’s enough to go around!

The holidays are upon us -  we know this through all the advertising! – and parties abound.  Help your host/esses with a polite RSVP so s/he can organize and prepare.  If you’re the host/ess you want to know how many people will stop by, come for dinner, be the first and last to arrive and leave.  Knowing the numbers makes planning easier and more expedient.  That way you have a visual of how many people will be in your kitchen, around your hors d’oeuvre table, at the bar and in the house, and that makes a world of difference from your comfort level and the success of your event.

Remember RSVP  means Respond if you please, and most definitely not the day of the party, but days ahead.  When you plan your next party, send out invitations, and ask for an RSVP, you’ll be thrilled that you know exactly – exactly – how many people to plan for when all your invitees do indeed RSVP.

Most people aren’t aware of their fillers in conversation, they may not even notice someone else’s fillers, if it’s only once or twice. When you do become aware of these in either someone else’s or your own speech, you know how annoying they can be.  They also completely detract from your message.

I was at a luncheon and a marketing guru was the luncheon speaker.  I’d heard about this person for years and was eager to garner good, solid and valuable information from the presentation.  Wrong.  Because I’m almost 100 percent aware of fillers, they seem to glob on to my brainwaves and intensify their being during presentations.  Well, this was no exception.  I started counting the “ums” after I heard the first dozen!  Within :20 the speaker had said “um” more than 45 times!  YIKES.  I obviously wasn’t paying attention to the value of the presentation. (Now that’s my situation.) What’s a person to do when those fillers get in the way?  Wait, it’s not me that’s the problem, it’s the fillers, and they come from the speaker!

Another marketing guru was extolling the marketing tidbits of a book and workshop.  But wait, “you know” came through more times than I could count and I just couldn’t get past them.  Yes, I know it’s me too, but hey, why is that they’re there in the first place, and why do I have to get over them if these people can’t take the time to listen to themselves?  A coaching client was with me at a meeting last week and I could feel his glare behind me every time the speaker said, “you know.”  It’s a dangerous game to play, counting those fillers.

Do fillers bother you when you listen?  Do you hear yourself say them?

Fillers.  For me they’re the nemesis of speaking. For others, they may be a minor irritation, and yet for others, they’re oblivious to them and they make no difference to the points or message.  When you become aware of them though, they’ll come to haunt you every time you speak or you listen, or both!

How to rid yourself of these mosquito-like fillers, follow a few easy tools:

1. Listen.  Really listen to yourself and others.  Once you become aware of your speech patterns you’re more likely to become aware of others too.

2.  Have a filler buddy.  Ask a close colleague to charge you a dime every time you say, “ah,” “um,” “you know,” “so,” or any other repeated filler. Ask them to write down how many times they heard any of them in your presentation.  Dimes may not seem like much, but after you owe your buddy $5.00 or more a week, you pare down the fillers.

3.  Record your presentation and replay it.  Or video tape it and watch.  When you hear yourself as others do, your sensibilities to fillers grow.

4. Notice other’s speech.  Does s/he gather fillers and proudly offer them up to an audience?  Start to count his/her fillers, and then realize they’re a curse of the English language.

You don’t write “you know” when you send an e-mail.  You don’t put “um” or “ah” in a sales letter or proposal; why then do you say them when you speak?

Are you concerned about a void in your conversation? presentation? voice mail? Silence is golden.  Pauses help your listeners concentrate on your points and get their brain wrapped around its importance to their lives.  A pause is only one or two seconds, and to some those seconds are huge billboard voids; not so to the listener.  To the listener they’re message lottery winners!

Practice talking without fillers if only to a co-worker.  Then practice your presentation without them. You’ll be proud of your progress when you delete these maggots of language, and your audience will regale in their absence.  Your message will also be  more considerate, comprehensive and concrete.

Here’s to your perfectly clean presentation.

1.  Me, myself and I.  These three gremlins creep into people’s speech too often and more often.

Me:  The objective pronoun:   Susan asked me to help her with the project. 

They worked with Larry and me.  My manager complimented me.

              Never say or write, They worked with Larry and myself.  It’s wrong. 

Use the objective case when you have a subject in your sentence to begin with: “They,” “Susan,”  or “My manager.”

Myself:  The reflexive pronoun:  I lauded myself for a job well done.

She helped herself to a piece of pie.

They laughed themselves sick.

These reflexive  pronoun need an “I” or “she/he” or “them”  or a proper name prior to the pronoun; it can not stand alone.  I – myself.  She/he – her/himself.  They – themselves.  It – itself. Donna – herself.

I:  The subjective pronoun.  I work.  I feel.  I am.  I will.  I tasted. 

           Sarah and I went to the conference.        

          My manager and I feel it’s important to study the policy.

          Never say, Sarah and me went….  or  My friend and me…. or Me and her are          roommates.

          It’s Sarah and I… .  or My  friend and I….  She and I are roommates.

2. Your, you’re

This common mix-up rears its ugly head and doesn’t discriminate with earnings.  I’ve had six- and seven-income earners send out e-zines or informational e-mails only to misuse the possessive, “your” with the contraction, “you’re,” which is “you are.”

    Your is a possessive pronoun.  I found your ticket.

The website is for your convenience.

Take your time with the project.

    You’re is a contraction for “you are.”  When you’re tired, get up and move around to help                    your circulation. 

              You’re a terrific team player.

I found your ticket and I know you’re going to enjoy the concert.

This morning, an accomplished businessperson’s newsletter said this, “I want to make sure your aware of the possibilities….”  Wrong.  It’s not my “aware”; I don’t possess it.  It needs to read, “I want to make sure you’re aware of….”  “Your” is used when you possess something:  your title, your house, your friends, your raise, your thought process.

“You’re” is used when you use the pronoun and the verb “are” in a contraction.   You’re in for a surprize.  I’m sure you’re going to be invited.

3.  Is, are.  Everyone is aware of the singular and the plural verb “to be.” Yet, it seems that they’re sometimes misused interchangeably.

    ”Is” is singular.  Today is Monday.  She is in Toronto.  The car is being serviced. This         week is the deadline.

    ”Are” is plural.  The reports are ready for distribution.   They are in Toronto.  Our cars are in the  shop.

During  football game last weekend a sports announcer said,  “There’s a few thing the defense needs to change.”  There is a few?  No, it’s, “There are a few….”

If these mistakes continually creep into our language and no one takes notice, then they will become commonplace, and that’s sad.

When you hear someone misuse the language, help them with a correction.  When you re-read some of your e-mails and find mistakes, correct them.  Listen to yourself, to the messages you leave on voice mail, to your every-day conversations and deliveries.  If need be, get a grammar buddy to help.  Also, proof your writings and others’ too.  Your speech and your writing say more about you than your salary level or title.

English is a beautiful language and one that needs everyone’s attention to detail.

Dee@DeeDukehart.com * www.DeeDukehart.com

Eleven fun-fill years, my cat Merlot cuddled, meowed and scratched at me every morning waiting for “dinner.”  He was sometimes bothersome  and oh-so talkative when I’d use milk and not offer him any; he won out.  Many times when I was here at my computer he’d come in the office and jump up into my lap, then lie on the desk, just to be here with me.  When I was reading or watching television in the evenings, I’d leave a space by the arm of the sofa next to me for him so he could come  lie down, turn over and nudge me for belly and head rubs. He’d do the same early mornings in my bed before I was fully awake  He was a lover.  He was a home body.

Merlot was with me when I put down two of his “siblings.”  I usually have two cats, and one time under different circumstances, I had three.  Merlot was always in the mix.  I got him after I put down another big, furry black and white kitty cat and Merlot looked almost the same.  In Denver, the Denver Dumb Friends League is a brilliant animal shelter, and Merlot looked at me that one day 11 years ago and said, “I so want you to love me and me to love you.”  When we “met” in the viewing room, he put his front legs around my neck and hugged me; he came home with me.

When it was just us, no other cats, we had a great time together.  He made me laugh and he became a beggar for scraps at the dinner table, in the kitchen, on the sofa, and outside when I had guests.  He was always around. He was a love bug.  He was close to me almost all the time when he was awake.  Oh, I miss him!

Two years ago I was lucky enough to bring Bali home.  Bali is a Siamese-Tabby mix and gorgeous.  The two of them sparred in the beginning, but they really did get along.  I feel that cats and dogs need a buddy to spar and play with, and have as a companion.  It’d been eight months of just us when Bali came into our lives.  She’s an amazing “child” and Merlot liked having someone to chase up and down the basement steps and “slap” when she got too close, invaded his space; actually they were good friends.

I’m an animal lover and each animal I’ve had to put down, as you as animal owners know, breaks my heart.  Domestic animals live an average of 10-12 years, and we outlive them by decades, but we continue to give our hearts away, spoil them, feed and care for them so they’ll have the best life they’ve ever known.  When we put them down, we can hold them, tell them thank you for the time their shared, that I love them, and that as God’s creatures, they made a huge paw print on my heart.  My first two cats came from a friend’s cat’s litter, and then Merlot came from Dumb Friends League.  Bali came from another home and had been at a shelter for six weeks.

We don’t know what the cat’s life was like before s/he came into my house, but I can tell you that the life they have with me is pet nirvana; I hope the same with you and your animals.

Merlot didn’t venture out too much; he was a home body.  But Bali’s high energy and adventuresome spirit sometimes caused him to not only venture across the street, but also to roam a block from home.  I gave them that freedom; their own cat door.  I also try to bring them in at night and lock the cat door because I’m concerned about predators – fox and coyote.  Sometimes, I’ve locked Merlot out all night because I thought he was in and I knew Bali was, so I locked their door.  (Bad form.)  He was always at the front door waiting for me as I stepped outside pre-dawn to go to the gym.

Last night I had friends over for drinks.  I served shrimp cocktail and Merlot was a bother; he smelled the shrimp and wouldn’t leave us alone.  He was cute about it, but he was bothersome.  The cats were out last night, and I went to bed not thinking about any danger.

Maybe, just maybe had I not had that third glass of wine I’d have heard his cries for help.  Maybe, just maybe if he’d been just a bit faster.  Maybe, just maybe if … there are no more maybes.  Merlot was in the front yard this morning as I got up to go to the gym, but this time his ravished half-body and fur were strewn close to the driveway, obviously the remnants of a coyote’s feast.

He was almost safe inside, but… .

I’ll miss you dear Merlot. I’m so, so sorry for your violent death and that I wasn’t there for you.  You were almost home.

Melissa missed her flight by :30.  It was her watch.  The traffic.  The dog’s water dish.  Her anger flares and her behavior matches that of a four-year-old who’s not gotten her way. How’s her time management?

The bill collectors are all over your phone number and driving you crazy.  You haven’t paid your credit card bill for three months.  You lost your job and don’t have the money.  You wanted and purchased a new flat-50″-screen t.v. instead of paying off your electrical bill.  Humm.

When life douses us with frustrating reality we sometimes point the finger at anything or anybody that comes into our mind because we don’t begin to believe that we’re in the wrong.  We’re good people and good people don’t pay bills late, miss airplanes, get demoted, get a speeding ticket, or other minor/major difficult situations that make our lives a crayon in a paintbrush world.  But we must take responsibility.  We must accept responsibility because we’ve made choices or decisions that have painted our canvas.

I get tired of people who don’t and won’t take responsibility for their lives.  I’ve been in some cringing situations in my life and I’ve had to make some decisions that I didn’t want to:  financial, personal, professional or other.  But, I did.  I’ve also been dependent when I need desperately to be independent, especially as an aging adult.  No one else is to blame for my current situation except for me.  I’m not going to blame the government, the economy, the down-turn,  the other person; I only have to look at myself though any reflection in any window or mirror and my face smiles back at me, and me alone.

Your successes and failures are a direct result of your choices in life.  How have you climbed above the average?  Some people may not “know” you, but they’ve seen you taking the steps to correct the wrong turn or make a positive impression.  Some people we don’t know have made a significant impression on the world, but then, their truth turns into lies.  Did they not know at the time that they would be responsible for not only the lives of others, but also of their own?  Absolutely, but they got caught up in hubris, in the image, in the glory  – whatever it would be.

Stand up for yourself.  When you find yourself in a quandary – and we’ve all had them, and will have them again – face up to the facts of your life.  I’m not 100 percent proud of all of my actions, but I pay the price, I face the facts and I take responsibility for my being.

In a spend, spend world, save.  In a keep-up-with-the-Facebook-buddies environment, set a positive and impressionable standard.  Your values say more about you than imagine.

A seven-year friend turned on me – not really at me – but at a situation we were both involved with and she hurt my feelings.  She didn’t and still hasn’t taken responsibility for her behavior that cost her the client that I had. She’s had a history of run-in’s with other people in different walks of life and yet she wants the world to follow how she does everything; she not a good team player.  It’s sad.  She blames the world instead of herself.

We can point the finger at the neighbor, the co-worker, the headache, or something for days or weeks.  We can rant and rave about a situation that we put ourselves in and it won’t do any good.  No good will come of it, except maybe that you feel better.

Tom lost a sale and took responsibility for the loss.  He wasn’t prepared and it showed; they chose a different vendor. He apologized to his team, his manager and the department.   He moved on, made a positive impression on the prospect as well as his team and rose above the loss.  He’ll have more wins than loses.  Evelyn didn’t make Dean’s List  her third quarter because she decided to go away for the weekend instead of finishing her paper.  She lost, she knew it was her fault.  She faced facts, buckled down and made it fourth quarter. You can help yourself.

Taking responsibility would help Freddy, Melissa, the accounts payable. It’s all about you, your behavior, your actions and reactions and your choices.  Here’s to you, here’s to taking responsibility for your life.

How often do you say, “yes” and you wish you’d said, “no”?  How many time have you said, “no” and wish you’d said, “yes”?  Do you make a commitment to yourself when you do say “no”?  If you’re asked to stay after hours at the office and you say, “No, I can’t,” but you’re still there at 7 p.m., what signal does this send?  If you say, “yes” to staying late and yet leave at 5:40 p.m., again, what signal?

No seems hard to say for some people.  Your best friend, a co-worker, a neighbor, whoever, asks you to volunteer for a committee and it’s the last project you want to do, but…you say “yes,” instead of “no” because you don’t want to hurt someone’s feelings.  How often do you say “no” with a clear conscious and move on?

I have a dear friend who’s good at saying “no.”  It’s not a negative comment, it’s just his personality, and I respect him for it.  When you decide that it’s all right to say “no” to your friend, neighbor, co-worker, community organization or other, you can make room for other activities and time either for work or pleasure.  “No” doesn’t mean you don’t like someone or don’t want to do something, it just means you can’t make time for it right then, because you have other commitments or obligations.  Now those commitments or obligations may mean you want to go home and read a good book, take a nap, or just bow out, and that’s okay.

“Linda” called me and wanted me to drive her around her neighborhood so she could look for her dog; I said “no.”  I didn’t want to spend an hour plus coasting a few miles here and a few long blocks there when I could be doing something else.  Is that self-centered? Yes.  Is it selfish – to a certain degree? We all need to be selfish with our time.  She found someone else to help her, and I was happy that she did.

About a year ago I volunteered for a community project. I was excited about the possibilities, the new contacts and getting back involved.  I didn’t really consider the time commitment: meetings, upon meetings, upon meetings.  It was drudgery for me to go to the three – minimum – meetings a month, including one Saturday morning.  I finally pulled in my commitment and said, “I have to bow out.”  It wasn’t exactly the “right” action to take, but it saved me from burn out and from not liking the organization.  Is the organization thriving without me – absolutely.

No is powerful and power.  Use it wisely and for personal and professional reasons.  When you do say “no,” make certain that you feel good about yourself afterwards; don’t beat up on yourself.  When someone says “no” to you, don’t you find someone else to help or figure out something on your own?  Yes!  It’s the same for others.

I am not saying you have carte blanche to just say “no” to everyone and everybody and feel good about it.  I’m recommending that you say it with the power its consequences abide.  Time is precious and you have to understand your needs and wants.  If “no” is the right decision, live up to it.  If “yes” is the right decision, live up to that as well.  It’s your value system that pays the price either way.

Here’s to having the courage to say “no” when you really, really need to, and to saying “yes” because you really, really want to.

Enjoy,  Dee

www.DeeDukehart.com

What does security look and feel like to you?  Are you happy and secure at your job?  Even though it may be a secure position, does it meet your needs and wants; are you content to get up and go to work every morning?  My friend, oh, I’ll call him Bert, has a secure and high-paying job:  He’s miserable. What price is he paying to be secure? Only he can tell us, and he’s shouting out loud and clear, “Get me out of here.”  (He’s on his way, he hopes.)

How many of you have left those secure positions to go out on your own or team up with a friend to make something of your world?  I did. I’m so not in a secure position, but I don’t have to answer to anyone else, and yet I don’t get paid vacations or health insurance.  What are the trade-offs for security?  And, is it really secure?  I know dozens of independents who are not only secure, but highly successful, and I envy them.

Several years ago when those big fund, financial and corporate businesses said, “Sorry, we messed up and you have no job.” their employees thought they had a secure job with a pension and life-long benefits:  whoops.  You live in a secure house and neighborhood, but someone keyed your neighbor’s car – or yours.  You buy a “security system” for your home and your car.  We lock our bikes to secure their presence when we return from getting our Starbucks or library books. Your relationships are secure, until….

Security is only as long as the letters; it can be lengthened or shortened depending on daily occurrences.  If you’re miserable, yet secure, are you really secure?  What does your future look like in a miserable job?

Take nothing for granted.  I’m far from sitting at my computer knowing that my life is secure even for the next hour or two. I don’t have those secure benefits, whether they be from a full-time job, or a full-time family, but I feel secure in myself  – for the most part. And right now, that’s enough.

I bet those 200+ people who worked on “Two and A Half Men” thought they were secure working on the number 1 TV program, but no… some pathetic, crazed and egotistic star ruined their lives too.  He also nearly brought down a network’s prime-time bottom line.  Whom do you trust to make your life secure?  What precautions have you made to see your life isn’t brought down by someone else?

Be prepared.  Take care of yourself.  Take notice of how you feel and what makes you happy.  Take nothing, nor no one, for granted.

Believe enough in yourself that you’re secure in everything you do and say; make others believers too.  Stand up for your values and those of your friends and the earth.

Help make our world a better and more secure place for not only the next generation, but also ours.