Expectations

Expectations can get you in trouble.  The trouble?  Hurt feelings, misguided intentions, and misunderstandings.

Twenty years ago when my father died I “expected” to get condolences from my “close” friends; I didn’t hear from a few and I was hurt.  A friend advised me, “Never expect anything and you won’t be disappointed.”  Well, it sounds and looks good, but I don’t think it’s possible.  I want to be expectation-free in my feelings and thinking, really I do, and yet…!

Do you assume and expect that your friends and family will be there for you on your birthday, Valentines Day, down days, success days, the holidays, etc?  Most likely.  When they aren’t, are you disappointed?  Probably.  I am.

Yesterday, as I mentioned, was my 60th.  Now 60 is like the other decades – except 21 is THE biggie for most of us – it’s a pretty momentous occasion – at least to me.  How many 30, 40, 50, 60 etc. birthday parties have you been invited to?  It’s not 36, or 42, or 63, no it’s the end and start of another decade:  big!  Well, I didn’t feel much like celebrating for myriad reasons, but I expected – wanted and needed – to hear from a few special friends and family members.  I wanted them to allow me the pleasure of their knowing that it was a “big” occasion even if I didn’t want a big display.

Guess what?  You got it.  My expectations weren’t met.  I was disappointed in a few friends and family members.  I must get over this.   It’s hard!  I’ll grow up one day and realize the best way is the follow that twenty-year-old advice and keep my expectations l-o-w.

Expectations come at work too.  Your boss, co-workers, teammates and you expect the best of your daily energy at the office.  You expect your office mates to help you when needed, to be there when you’re not, to help guide you in the right direction, give you leads, buy you a beer or glass of vino when you lose the sale, hand out suggestions, and give advice.  You do the same – for the most part.  Does it always work out that way?  No.

Did you expect that prospect to return your call and yet didn’t?  Did you expect to have a client, friend, co-worker, or vendor return your e-mail and didn’t?  How many expectations do we put on others only to find we’ve built up our own disappoint scale?  Too many, I presume. 

You ask someone for help – personal and professional – and s/he says, “No.”  Then what?  You manage to survive and figure out another or even better way to manage the situation.  We depend on each other; it’s human nature.  And yet, those disappointments seem to linger almost more than the support.  Why?  I don’t know.

I’ll survive the disappointment of not getting something from my friends that I expected on my “big day,” and I’ll even move on.  I often think about their feelings when their “big day” comes around and I’m expected to exalt them with gifts, dinners, cards and calls; what happens if I’m not there for them?  Is it time? Circumstances? Caring a little less than usual?  Who knows!

We will always have expectations of ourselves and others.  Sometimes when the unexpected happens  – a note, card, call from someone whom you haven’t heard from in ages, nor expected to hear from – you feel elated.  This happened to me this past week.  Fellow speaker buddies sent me cards.  I received cards and notes from people I never imagined knew it was my birthday, and I loved it!  I thank them profusely for taking the time to send me a card, it made an impression and heart-warming feelings.

I expected  to weigh145 by my birthday – not quite there.  I’m not disappointed in that expectation.  Why?  I expected to be on a different personal and professional scale than I am today.  Too bad, it’s not happening.  There are few things we can do when these expectations seem to creep up: 1. let them go, 2. laugh about them, 3. make the best of them, or 4. not to have them let you down.  It’s a choice.  Change your thinking.  I’m trying.

Life.  Expectations.  Feelings.  Emotions. Thoughts. Unexpected “gifts.” Misunderstandings.  These all amount to our daily journey and its path.  I’m the same as yesterday and my friends are the same too.  Maybe it’s because I didn’t let them know that I wanted something from them that they didn’t perform.  If someone’s ignorant of my needs and wants, how can I “blame” them for not performing.

Here’s to getting everything you need and want and having the courage to ask for them.  Expect the best and you’ll find it!

Happy Friday.

www.DeeDukehart.com

Sixty Observations

Well, Happy Birthday – Happy 60th birthday – to me!  It all seems so ethereal to me that I’m actually 60 years old.  The brain, mind and body argue with the calendar; it can’t be.  But, alas, I concede to reality – just this once.

Over this vast experience of life, I have observed thousands of points of interest, behavior, reality, fun, love, disappointment, success, failure, highs and lows.  I’m just going to share sixty of them with you and I hope you’ll  recognize most, agree or disagree, and yet understand that these are only sixty small facets of one small life.

Some of these observations came early, some attacked me in the middle of the night, some appeared on my mirror in the morning, some stuck themselves to my soul and stayed.  Most are just feelings and thoughts that I started writing down and wanted to share.

1.  I’m not immortal.

2. My mother did have eyes in the back of her head.

3.  Parents do the best they can with the information and expertise they have at the time.

4. I was a great and fun debutant.

5.  I’m currently a rusty debutant.

6. I loved the debutant season – the parties, balls, dates, friendships and yes, the clothes!

7. Dating was and is an adventure.

8. “Please” and “thank you” open doors.

9. A smile can make a person’s day.

10. Hugs are good for the soul and spirit.

11.Friends come and go.

12.  Friends disappoint.

13. Just because you love someone doesn’t mean they’ll love you back.

14.  Good health – mental and physical – is paramount.

15.  Work is essential for the mind, body and soul.

16.  Do what makes your heart soar.

17.  The world needs to see me.

18.  A personally written note, card or letter means 10x more than any e-mail.

19.  Thank you notes carry the gift, giving and receiving further.

20.  Books are my best friend.

21.  My animals ease the pain of loneliness.

22. Aloneness is not loneliness.

23.  Staying in touch with friends and family warms the heart.

24.  Answering a phone call or e-mail within a 48-hour period is polite.

25.  Manners speak volumes about people.

26.  Inconsideration is all relative.

27.  Friendship crosses the political, color, race, sexual orientation and religious barriers.

28.  Loss is life.

29.  I didn’t start saving soon enough.

30. Exercise is an elixir.

31.  I’m disappointed in me.

32.  I still miss my dad after 20 years.

33.  World travel opens up your heart, head and eyes.

34.  Being unconventional has its assets.

35.  Letting go of some of my possessions doesn’t mean letting go of meaning.

36. First loves remain powerful.

37.  Classical music is music for my soul.

38.  I love live theater.

39. Dinner parties are a small holiday.

40.  Afternoon tea is one of my creature comforts.

41.  I want a walk-in closet!

42.  Being gracious is welcome – giving and receiving.

43.  House guests stay three nights, unless invited to stay more.

44. Spring and fall are my favorite seasons.

45.  The smell of freshly cut grass is the renaissance of spring and summer.

46. Sitting by a fireplace with a beloved is eternal.

47.  Unless something’s happened to you, you can’t relate.

48.  Success is in the eye of the beholder; okay and maybe the media.

49.  Where is my best friend?

50.  Expectations can cause emotional harm.

51.  Let someone you love know it – today.

52.  Paying my bills on time eases the mind.

53.  My perfect health was taken for granted.

54.  Some friends will surprise you with their attention, while others surprise you with their ignorance.

55. Laughter is a cure to almost everything, and it’s contagious.

56. The phone is a unique and modern tool to reach out and let someone know you’re thinking of them.

57.  E-mail is brilliant for keeping in touch,but  it’s not the only way.

58.  I love my brother more and more.

59.  I will succeed.

60.  Today’s a day for reflection:  What can I do to improve the world?

Enjoy my birthday with me.

www.DeeDukehart.com

100 Percent

I keep thinking about perfection.  What exactly is it and who’s the judge? 

Bosses always advise:  Give 100% to your job.   If I give 100 percent to my job that means that I don’t give any percentage to anything else:  research, lunch, in-the-hall conversation, day dreaming, etc.  I know that they mean to show up and be at work, not on Facebook, not on the phone with friends, not lollygagging around my desk; I understand, but I doubt it actually works.

If I give 100 percent to my training in the morning then I’m exhausted by lunch and I have four hours of afternoon training.  If I give 87 percent early on, then I have that extra 13 percent to latch onto for the afternoon.  I don’t know anyone who actually gives 100 percent to anything or anyone; sleep maybe. Atheletes might strive for 100 percent at their sport – the gold medal winners, the winners of the tournaments, but they too have 75 percent “play” days.  (Read Open, by Andre Agassi.)

Do you give 100 percent of yourself to your job? Family? Community activity? Leisure time?  We are deluged with activities that take our mind in various directions.  We can read books, listen to music, play games on the computer, write endless drivel on Twitter, Facebook and LinkedIn - I drivel every so often – talk on the phone on non-work-related topics…the list goes on.  But when we have to focus on the project, proposal, PowerPoint or point-at-hand, then yes, I know I give 100 percent, or so it seems.  I still don’t know what 100 percent looks like!

My mind wonders.  I’m of the school that all adults are ADD.  We have too much going on in our lives to focus for more than seven minutes at a time.  Even when I’m writing, I’m stopping to check spelling, grammar, typos, etc.  We used to have an attention span of :20, now, thanks to television, text messaging, and iPhones or Pods, it’s seven.  It could even be less as of Dec. 2, 2009.  When we’re driving to/from work; when we’re writing briefs, proposals, grants, letters or memos; when we’re sitting in staff meetings and half listening to others drone on about this that and the other, we span our attention to some of the other aspects of our day: What’s for dinner? Did I follow-up with the client?  What does Susie need for Christmas?  or just plain day dreaming.  We don’t listen 100 percent.

My 100 percent file seems to dwindle when I’m feeling less self-confident.  I don’t give my all to my writing, my marketing, my creativity or my habits; I just go through the day with a list that I get to check off:  blog – check, newsletter – check, phone call to x,y, z – check, take out something for dinner – check, do something for your business – not checked – yet!  And you?  How many items have you checked off today that you know you completed – 100 percent?  What have you achieved so far this week – it’s Wednesday?  Have you given your all, given 100 percent to yourself?  Your family? Your project(s)?  It’s okay, if the answer is “no.” You are not alone.

My energy level tells me what percentage of me shows up.  I’m usually high energy, and sometimes that high, isn’t as high as yesterday.  But, I also know that my “lows” are some people’s “highs.”  I can gear up for a training or speech or interview, and I can gear up for a writing exercise only when I know it’s advantageous for others as well as me.  Does this sound familiar?

Give at least 87 percent today to three projects on your list.  No one is going to challenge you that you didn’t give 90, 95, 98 percent; no one’s actually counting.  Those counters who do tap you on the shoulder and say, “You need to give more to your job,” only notice when you give 70 percent or less.  Rise above it; give more today than yesterday, and then tomorrow the same.  One day, who knows, a 100 percent effort may truly be within reach.

Life is not a math test.  That 100, that gold star, that A+ you got in school doesn’t resonate in the working, living, loving world.  We can only give what and whom we commit to.   Give more today.  I challenge you. It’ll be well worth the effort.

Have a great 100-percent Wednesday.

www.DeeDukehart.com

Putting it Off

Why did I put off calling the doctor?  Why did I put off going on-line to pay my bill?  What was I hoping for when I put off getting in touch with my family member or friend? I wish I knew the answer.  The only thing I can confess to is that I just didn’t take the time at the right time.  I even put off writing daily, which I made the commitment to do three months ago.  I’m not too far behind, but I’m behind.

It’s as though I have a magic wand and I can wave it around and everything in my life with automatically and yes, magically, be perfect.  Shit! (Sorry.)  I need to grow up.  I have caused myself more heartache, more overdraft payments, more rushed phone calls and more consternation than most – or at least of the people I know.  You’d think after 60 years I’d be… what?  I don’t know, but something more than I am today.  No, I’m not really down, I’m just pissed off – yet again – at my lack of responsibility, lack of discretion, lack of getting my act together, and lack of financial stability.  So there!

What about you?  I don’t know who you are, but I bet you too have some area(s) in your life where you wished that you too had my magic wand and that it would actually work!  I do indeed have multiple and wonderful magic wands that I give to some of my audiences.  I just keep looking and hoping for their magic to firework their way into multiple areas of my personal and professional life.  I’d gladly send you one of my wands; maybe you can make it work.

I will tell you: Don’t put off calling, paying, acting, acknowledging or admitting anything.  Be open; communicate with yourself, your intimate circle of influence and your external circle of influence.  Time is precious.  We can’t get it back and we can only hope we use it wisely.  I usually use it wisely, and then the 800-numbers show up on my caller ID, my bank account starts screaming to be saved, some vital payments are late, I forget to call a friend, or mail a card.  Why?  I’ll never know, I just do.

If you have trouble with a family member, friend or loved one, don’t put off telling them what’s troubling you.  Silence is a cancer in relationships – any and all relationships.  My friend K didn’t know why her boyfriend just went into a vocal coma; he wouldn’t tell her what was wrong, wouldn’t even say goodbye when she left after a three-week tour together.  What was going on in his mind and heart?  No one to this day – two years later – knows.  We’re all friends again, but why did he put off calling us back?  Telling K why he was pissed off?  What was going on with him the last two years?  Even over Thanksgiving he denied being a jerk and he had three witnesses in the room!  Open up. Communicate, now. 

Why do we bottle up our emotions?  Is it we feel scared?  Is it we don’t want to bother our friends or family?  Is that we don’t feel worthy of sharing?  Again, the answers come independently – you are different from me and I’m different from A,B, D.  I know that if students would talk to teachers and parents there’d be less teenage angst.  If friends would discuss problems and situations with each other, there’d be more understanding.  When we put off being authentic, we only hurt ourselves; okay, maybe a few others too. Both professional and personal relationships need open communication.

Start today, December 1st, with new resolutions to help yourself express yourself, pay your bills on time, call a doctor – be proactive, and be the adult that you are.  I can’t say I’ll be able to take on all the responsibilities in my life right now, I’m waiting and hoping for work.  When I get the work, I’ll then become a more mature 60-year-old and help myself, which in turn helps others.

It’s a great day!  I can’t put off making that phone call any longer; I have to sign off. (I did write today, and I will tomorrow and the next day and the next…!)

Enjoy.

www.DeeDukehart.com

 

Breaking The Rules

Who sets the rules anyway?  Are some rules written in stone and passed from tablet to tablet, family to generation?  I know, rules are made to specific reasons, to keep order in our lives.  What if I don’t like them though?  Are you ever in a situation that says, “The Hell with the rules”?  I am.

How many rules have you broken?  I know, you can’t count; I can’t either.

As a teenager – probably even years before – the word “rebel” comes to mind.  Relate? My mother wanted me to be Princess Di and she got Court Jester Dee; just to my liking.  What makes children rebel against their parents, society, rules?  Why do we skirt the rules to make our path our path, as opposed to someone else’s?  Individuality?  Testing?

Some of you probably were poster children for “perfect.”  You may have missed out on multiple fun times, but then again, you probably missed out on “grounded” for the weekend, “privileges” taken away, or demerits at school. Not to worry, I got all the above for you and others.  I tested my parents – until both died! – and I’m surprised I didn’t send them to an early grave.  But I also know others who wish that they’d just once gone against the rules.

Breaking rules comes in degrees: coming in later than curfew, taking longer than an allotted time for lunch, cheating – myriad avenues for this one, standing out in a crowd, and the list goes on.  We set our own rules too.  Rules to keep us in check with ourselves: dress, manners, trust, values, respect for self and others, etc.  

The personal rule book is unlike a sports’ rule book where everyone on the team plays by the same rules; ours is our own play book and we continue to bend, test and possibly break our daily guide.  It’s not a bad thing.  It’s just life.

I was tired of  following the strict guidelines and rules in my house when I was growing up.  It’s also amazing to me that as an adult I set the same standards, sometimes harsher than before, for myself.  I want to invoke a character of trust; therefore, reward; serving the Universe by my rules and loving them.  Our rules make up who we are.  As long as they don’t hamper or hurt others on our journey, then we’re set to go and grow.

Break a few authoritative rules just for fun.  See what happens.  Maybe you’ll see that the risk also helps you stretch and grow.  It may also set a new standard for your household, company, community, civic organization, church or synagogue, or personal best.  Or it may just be an adventure you can share.

Have fun.

Happy Sunday.

www.DeeDukehart.com

Why?

How often do I ask myself, “Why is this happening to me?” ”Why?”  Ever do that?  I know you have.

I’m asking myself the same damn question I’ve asked myself too many times, “Why doesn’t the Universe answer my pleas of help, guidance, abundance and love?”  It’s a repeated record and I’m sick of it.  But, it’s not that I haven’t been sick of it before.  “Why do I keep going down the same path when I know that it’s not going to be the rewarding one I need and want?”  Maybe the financial stress and personal trauma fit me like a pair a tennis shoes, or maybe I just allow them to tag along without my permission because I can’t get rid of them.  Why don’t I just kiss them goodbye?  Why?  It’s not as though they were tatooed to my brain or velcroed to my resume, is it?  No.

I’m too bright to fail.  I’m too optimistic to fail.  I’m too ornery to fail; and yet.  Where do I go from here?  What’s the first step? I need a sponsor.  I presume that sponsor is me. 

In yesterday’s International Herald Tribune, Nicholas Kristof wrote an article: “Triumph of a Dreamer.”  Tererai was a bride at 11 – sold off by her father – in Zimbabwe and yet she dreamed of studying abroad and getting a PhD even though she dropped out of school to get married.  She found a sponsor, she moved to Oklahoma, she excelled in University, kicked her abusive husband back to Zimbabwe and became Dr. Tererai.  Yes, her life and mine are so completely different, and yet her dream, her persistence, her verve and drive were always written on every mirror, every wall, every face, every piece of paper and they became her cheering section, family and reward.  I salute her. 

Where I go once I get back to the States next week is all up to me.  I don’t have a dream as vivid or exact as Tererai’s, I only want to be an accomplished adult with money in the bank, a house that’s a home, friends and love surrounding me, and more travels in the future.  My motto: “The World Needs To See Me.”  I have that dream to get out of the country once a year, if not more.  Now I  must strive to find the people to help me attain that goal both professionally and personally.  I’ll start asking for help, start asking for advice, start getting out of my cocoon, and start walking a different path.  Why?  Because it’s tiresome to keep doing the same damn thing.

What about your goals and dreams?  If you haven’t attain them, ask why?  I’m hoping together we can find the answers.

Enjoy the day and go to my website to sign-up for my December Presentation Skills webinar.  Why?  The three-series will help perfect the art of your speaking skills; I guarantee it.

Happy Wednesday.

PS:  Pass this along.

www.DeeDukehart.com

Control

“Control freak!” Financial control. Personal control. “S/he’s too controlling.”   What is that we actually control?  How often do we get “out of control”?  Who’s the one to make the control benchmark?  How often do you let something that’s not in your control, control your mood, temper, decision or attitude? Daily?  Once in a while?  Seldom?  Never? 

We’ve all made decisions that control our future: personal and professional. We’ve all let circumstances not in our control – weather, other people, government, family, friends, clients, prospects, the tv, news, etc –  make us crazy.  How we react to every aspect of our lives  is in our control.  How we lend our strength and weaknesses is also in our control.  What we can’t control is others.

I’m in Ubud, Bali as I write.  It was a long, arduous and heart-rendering decision to come.  Why?  Financial. I’d hoped for a client’s contract to come through before I left; it didn’t.  I’m waiting for another to come through starting in December; I don’t have any idea – it’s out of my hands, out of my control.  What I control is how I deal with the disappointment, what I do with my life and how I make decisions.  I’m here, not at home thinking about my future in my small office and hoping that Nirvana will knock on my door with a winning lottery ticket.  (I keep hoping!)  Or, I could be here with friends in a beautiful, spiritual and cleansing place dealing with the same issues, only 15,000 miles away. What do I control?  My feelings and actions.

Fear is guiding some of my decisions, but fear is only a ghost of angst that sits in my right brain and tinkers with my feelings.  I can control those feelings – sometimes.  I can tell that the 100 percent Dee isn’t here because the professional world’s decisions are not in my control frame.  Damn it!  I can enjoy myself here, relax and live for two weeks before reality takes my hand and leads me into 2010, or I can brood and carry angst and fear on my shoulders.  I’ve decided that the serenity of this place soothe my heart and my head; it’s medicinal. 

Right now I’m marketing through other Social Media outlets for a webinar in early December; nothing, nada, zero, nary a response.  Why?  I can’t control  other’s needs or financial line items.  All I can do is keep marketing – never give up – and hope that tomorrow brings a rainbow of attendees so my bank account will lighten up with Christmas-like ecstasy.  I’ll let you know.

Take control under control.  Keep your wits about you and let the Universe know that you can and will do whatever it takes to make the best you there is.  I’m here in Bali, not in Denver, and I have control over what I do during the day, whom I connect with through Social Mediums, how often I worry, how often I energize my positive cells.  It’s all up to me, no one else.  No one else can control how I feel and what I think.  Someone may have control of some of my actions, but for the most part it’s all in the mind; the mind rules the control button.  Switch it on; I am!

Happy Tuesday – in Bali – Monday in the States and elsewhere.

Pass this along for me.  Let the world know I’m here!

www.DeeDukehart.com

 

 

 

What Are You Waiting For?

How do you visualize the next year or two?  Same old, same old?  Do you envision something spectacular or just humdrum day in and day out?  What’s keeping you from attaining another goal(s)?  What’s keeping you from laying the ground work for a brilliant tomorrow?  You!

I’m the one who’s holding me down.  I’m the one who’s making good, poor, non-decisions about what my life looks and will look like. What about you?  Are you waiting for your manager to retire so you can breathe?  Are you waiting for the kids to finish school so you can travel?  Are you waiting for the kids to get out of the house before you take the next steps to independence?  Are you waiting, waiting, waiting, thinking that your idea, plan or dream is intangible? What’s your excuse?  How do you spend your time during the day?  How many steps do you take to fly?

I’m in a quandary; something new.  I talk a good game and yet I find myself not walking my talk.  Does this ever happen to you?  Do you ever know that you’re not being true to you and your future, and yet?  With brains and brawn we can conquer anything and everything that the world throws at us, plus pave new paths for others to follow.  What are you waiting for?  What am I waiting for?

A friend said that reality isn’t his reality.  He can’t possibly be in this situation at his age:  cash-flow non-flow, waning interest in his job, marital disparity, and questions about this afternoon as well as tomorrow.  “I’m still waiting for the Calvary to come to ’save’ me from myself.”  Where is that ubiquitous Calvary?  Who’s heading it up and what charge will they take on next?  Only we know – we are our own Calvary.  We take charge and charge toward everyday situations the best way we know how.  Sometimes though we wait for someone else to make a decision that either makes or breaks our Calvary charge.

Are you scared?  I am.  It’s the ghost of my parents’ prophecy past, the ghost of my personal prophecy present, and the ghost of whateverIwant future.  What’s holding me back?  What’s this imaginary fear doing holding my hand and leading me down a destructable or limited path? I know I have the courage and the strength to let go of its hand and forge ahead down a limitless, profitable, abundant, successful and happy life.  What am I waiting for?  If only I knew.

Go. Go now.  Start right this minute drawing your storyboard for 2010.  Create the vision and the reality for a dream and goal to be real.  Meet the detours head on and flourish. Release the chains of fear and the unknown, and fly. 

What are you waiting for?  I’m turning the corner and I want to see you there. 

“You are never too old to set another goal or to dream a new dream.”

C.S. Lewis

Happy Tuesday.

www.DeeDukehart.com

Need your recommendations to join my Presentation Skills , 7 December.  Visit my website and go to “workshops.”  Sign up now!  I need your help to fill the class.

Asking For Help

How often have you wanted to ask someone for help and yet, didn’t?  How many times have your family, friends and co-workers help you make you the person you are today? 

Why do we feel so frail when we need help?  Everyone of us needs help in myriad ways throughout any given day or week. At work, seldom do we hesitate to ask a co-worker to help us finish a project, or take over a duty when we want/need to take time off, or get more information, or research, or even role-play for an important presentation.  But, when we need to ask for personal help, we hide like rabbits from a fox.  Why?

Ego?  Maybe it’s fear of rejection.  Maybe it’s fear of appearing weak.  Maybe it’s admitting to ourselves that we can’t do it all by ourselves; a resounding declaration of humanity.  When you don’t feel well, you ask a doctor’s advice.  When you can’t find an answer to some personal matter you either consult a psychologist or a self-help book, or your favorite bartender.  Heaven forbid that you would ask for help from your family or friends if you were in financial, mental or personal trouble.

I also know some of my men friends won’t call the doctor.  “It’ll go away, soon.”  “I don’t need a doctor.”  “This isn’t anything.”  About two weeks later pneumonia’s set in.  Human frailty is in our makeup; it runs in our veins, and yet it can be as deadly – in some people’s minds – as a viper.  Ask. 

When you ask for help I’d guess over 90 percent of the time, people help.  Yes, the other 10 percent of the time a friend or family member says, “no.”  You have to live with that.  At least you asked.  When was the last time someone asked you for help?  How did you feel?  Proud to have someone trust you enough to ask?  Aggravated that they asked?  It’s hard to say, “no,” but sometimes that’s the best course of action.  I’ve said “no,” before and I’ve also been refused of help; I obviously made it past that.

I’ve asked several of my friends for help and to a person they’ve been there for me.  I’ve been the recipient of a friend in need and I’m happy to help, when and if I can.  I don’t see the weakness in the asking, I see the strength.  The strength comes from knowing what you need.  I’m not saying to keep asking for money or assistance when you haven’t taken strides to help yourself, but I know that there’s a personal safety deposit box in each of us and we keep our feelings locked tight.

Ask. 

I watched, with amazement and fascination, 60 Minutes last night.  I found Katie Couric’s interview with Andre Agassi spellbinding.  I’m an ardent fan – not just of Agassi, but also professional tennis.  Agassi spiraled down to the dregs of humanity before he asked for help, got himself clean and made it back from 141 in the rankings to #1.  It was one of the greatest comebacks in sports’ history.   Have you been down and asked for a hand?  Needed someone to give you the recognition you deserve? Asked for a hug?  Someone was there for you, wasn’t s/he?

From the richest to the poorest, from the strongest to the weakest, from the child to the adult, from the C-level to the factory worker, and from your parents to your best friend help is the spine of their being and yours.  Someone may need a lift to the office, a drink, a pat on the back, a friendship card, a note, a thankyou; the list goes on.  Help is four letters of partnership in this journey.  Ask.  Give. Enjoy.

Happy Monday.

I’m starting a presentation skills webinar the first week in December.  Join us. Go to my website and sign up.  You’ll be amazed at what a difference good presentation skills do for your professional journey. (I’m asking for help in a different manner!)

www.DeeDukehart.com

What Can You Do Without?

I know all of you have seen either a dog or a cat with only three legs.  They learn to cope without the fourth and do so with relish. They don’t pine – or at least not for long – about losing the leg, they just learn to live without it and move on – literally.

What is it that you can live without to make your life, bank account or thought processes less of a struggle?  We are a global people of possessions.  The more we have, the more we make an impression – or so we think.  The make of car, the number of cars, the size of the house, the furnishings, the number of houses, the clothes, the travel, the hair, the friends in “high places,” all seem to label us as either important, rich, not so, middle class, trailer trash, or any other label.  Do these labels identify our souls?  Not even close.

My friend – I’ll call him Tim – lives a life of  ”image.”  He drives a fancy car, lives in a fancy neighborhood, and wears the “right” color socks with the right jacket/shirt/tie.  I’m impressed.  But he’s at a crossroads both personally and professionally.  He has learned to live without a fancy house – the declining market caused not one, but several moves.  He’s learned to live without the Country Club and its jet set.  He drinks beer instead of expensive wine.  Guess what?  He’s still Tim; the Tim others and I love.  He’s still brilliant, funny and yes, good-looking. (They all help the profile.)

At coffee yesterday morning with my friend, she told me about selling a fancy, built-from-scratch race car that had been in their garage for years.  They obviously can live without it. The loss was just a thought, not a real loss. We cling onto  possessions as though they were blood flowing through our social veins.  Why?

I’m living without some family heirlooms that I sold a few years ago. Does this make me less of a person?  No.  I now serve dinner on stainless steel and use stainless steel dinnerware instead of sterling.  Damn, they didn’t notice!  It didn’t hamper the meal, the love and laughter.  I’ve learned to live without a six-figure income – though I hope it comes back – and I’ve done well. (However you want to define “well.”) What about you?  Have you done without and noticed that the true you is still you?  I would hope so.

Stay true to you and your values, and the accoutrements of wealth or importance come from within.  You have riches with friends, family, laughter, health and beautiful days.  Lavish yourself in those riches and like the three-legged dog or cat you’ll realize that you can live without some tangibles, as long as the intangibles are there.

Have a great weekend.

www.DeeDukehart.com